He said

stop thinking about another girl, there’s no one like you. Girl

 

rather than feeling flattered or something like that, my heart feels a little bit tingling because what he said last night. after he said “I wanna take a break”, “I can’t go on like this” etc, you would say maybe it’s time for us to breakup. but, you know what ? instead saying “why” I’d rather answered “then, What do you want? I’ll just go on with you answer and your decision” –> this sentence didn’t imply that I do really ready with all of these break up things, or just burst out of emotion or something else like that. to tell you the truth, there’s no emotion when I said that, it’s just like saying “morning” to a stranger. That’s all, feels like there’s some cool air wheeze into my heart.

In fact, I do really think about breaking up since, these weeks I’ve too many things to do. And somehow I’m saying “I’m not doctor yet, but I’ve already been this busy, would it be better if he got someone else to back his up rather than someone as busy as I am ? Maybe I should just take a doctor too as a husband” but, as conclusion, I didn’t want to. Why should he said it at the night when I just thinking something like that at the noon ? Is it somekind of faith ? Or, I don’t know. God knows.

Balik ke 3 bulan yang lalu, dia bilang “knapa cwek ak sndiri ga pernah perhatian sama aku ?”  Oke, bukannya suudzan atau gimana. Tapi ada suatu kesan aku dibandingkan dengan seorang perempuan lain di sini. Yang ternyata lebih perhatian ke dia, lebih sering sms, telpon, whatever. I do, really understand his circumstance as a man, a condition where he needs a lot of affection from a woman, and unfortunately I can’t do a lot of things since we are apart like this. But, rather than  just blame the distance like that I’d prefer blaming myself for not always there for him. (does he always there whenever I need him?) Jujur. Aku ga suka caranya marah2 di telpon setiap kali aku ngantuk dan dia maksa nelpon. Aku tau dia sibuk, dan dia sempetin telpon, tapi ga gitu juga caranya. di saat aku harusnya istirahat dan bener-bener capek dia nelpon aku, dan ngajak aku ngomong dengan nada yang tinggi cuma gara-gara aku njawabnya sambil ngantuk. Terus maunya gimana? Aku bukan operator yg ganti shift terus bisa selalu ada buat dia (sayangnya) aku punya hidupku sendiri, aku punya kegiatanku sendiri, dan bukan berarti aku gak nyempetin sms atau ngubungi dia. Toh di twitter juga ak lumayan sering mention dia. salah aku apa ? Salah ya kalo aku ngantuk ? Salah kalo aku males telpon terus gak konsen krn ak capek banget? Berhak dia marahin aku ? Nyumpah2 gitu? Sori. aku paling ga suka sama cowok yang ga pernah bisa ngehargai perasaan cwek. Sori.

kamu bilang minta break, oke. terserah. AKu ikut aja, tapi aku gak janji bakal bisa break terus kembali kea biasa, nope. it’s impossible. it’s not that simple darl. Once you’ve lost me, I’ll never be there for you anymore. that’s one thing you’ve to understand at least. If you want a break, I want a break up. Not more and not less.

Dia minta maaf, iya aku maafin.

tapi bukan berarti ga ada yg hilang kemarin malem. ada sesuatu…. yg berkurang, dan terkikis malem kemarin. Sori ge, sori. Tapi kalo kamu bilang love u kemarin malem, dan ak telat bales. bukan apa2. Cuma aku gak tega kmu mesti nerima jawaban “loved you”, iya aku ngirim “love you too” tapi di akhir. Karena emang butuh waktu buat respek aku ke kamu nambah.
Iya, aku ga berhak nulis ataupun ngerasa jadi korban, karena kamu pernah jadi korbanku sekali dulu. Maaf. tapi emang ada yang hilang. Nggak tau itu apa. tapi keanya itu penting, gatau ilang sebagian besar, atau cuma sebagian kecil.

Intinya : Sorry, mungkin ga bisa sama kayak dulu. all of all, I’m still yours. sincerely.

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